I believe it was the great philosopher James Van Der Beek who once said "I don't want yur laafe." What James was really looking for was something that would change his own life, rather than blindly following the path that was laid out for him in that one-horse football town where he hacked a computer and started a countdown to nuclear war.

So I might have fallen asleep when that movie was on and woken up during Wargames. Which, you know, is a pretty good movie too.

This podcast is about the 1983 film Wargames, or possibly the 1999 film Varsity Blues. It's actually about neither of those, but it's worth a listen nonetheless.

I guess. Now I just wanna go watch Wargames. They should remake that with Van Der Beek in the Dabney Coleman part. That'd be sweet.

Another rough day at work. You drove in with the faint blur of the sunrise on the eastern horizon, and now you're heading home and looking at the sun going down in the west. You're tired and you don't feel like cooking. So you pull into the line...

From a speaker at the bottom of a big menu sitting outside in the cold: "Welcome to Taco-Taco; how may I help you?"

The next night: "Welcome to Burger-Burger; how may I help you?"

And later that week: "Welcome to Chicken-Chicken; how may I help you?"

Over the weekend, you stop in to a fast food place serving deli food in an attempt to eat a bit more healthy.

This is life for many...

It's convenient, fast, and sometimes still hot by the time you get home: fast food. It still fuels America and excites kids.

So...this week, the Gorillamen talk all about...fast food!

* * *

We begin with the first fast food we remember eating, and then cover our favorite fast food...and the last fast food we ate. After that, find out if we ever worked in fast food (and where).

Speaking of working in fast food, we chat for a bit about if fast food workers deserve $15 an hour...and if working in fast food is an American rite of passage.

We talk about our grossest fast food experiences and move on to regional or defunct fast food restaurants we miss.

We sing high praises to Whataburger and Taco Bueno, devoting further time to what makes them so damn good!

We chat about the most upscale fast foods we've had before chatting about whether or not food trucks have redefined the fast food industry.

And we wrap it all up with the future of fast food.

See ya, motorscooters. I'm off to get a job with a drill.

I say in the intro to this one that I don't really have a reason I picked this particular episode, but that might not be entirely true. Subconsciously, I might have been thinking about the disease of toxic masculinity, and the fake manhood that some people wear to pretend they're bigger, braver, and stronger than they are (unless we all believe Tiny Hands would have REALLY charged into a school shooting unarmed, which we do not).

Manliness and masculinity can be useful, but they can also be horrible. And so of course, we talked about it that one time a year and a half ago.

Enjoy!

Yes, it's time once again for one of those "serious" episodes of Men in Gorilla Suits.

Polish your monocle and tell your butler to bring you a 25-year-old fine scotch...this time around, the subject is income inequality...

* * *

We begin with what seems like a question with an obvious answer, but for some people...well, it isn't: Do you think there’s a problem with income inequality in this country? After that we chat about income classes we've lived in during our lives...as well as where our spouses have been. Then we devote some time to differing financial views we may have had with early roommates or our spouses in the past.

Find out what social class we sit in now...and what we think has caused the shrinking of the middle class. Along those lines, we ponder if people in different classes can truly understand the lives of those in other classes.

Fast food workers: do they deserve $15/hour? We talk about that...and then move on to whether we should try invigorating the middle class...or if the middle class is even necessary...

Near the end, we talk about Millennials: have they gotten the shaft economy-wise?

And we wrap it all up with a not-so-simple question: How do we fix income inequality.

And sometimes, you go to a store and they give you leftovers.

But sometimes, some of those leftovers are clips of audio you hadn't heard before and I really didn't think out this metaphor and I'm going to back out, thank you!

In an effort to prove that yes, we really do talk like this even when we're not podcasting, we originally released two mini episodes: one on candy and one on Star Trek (again). In our most recent recording, Christopher captured another minisode, which has now been packaged with the other two for your listening pleasure (question mark?).

Enjoy!

Shawn rolled 1D20 for charisma.

He got a zero. Somehow.

Christopher 1D20 rolled for INT.

He got a 19.

Life ain't fair, motherfuckers. And neither are roleplaying games. But we take a(nother) look at them in this week's episode! Marvel at both gorillamen's awkward teen (and adult) years! Listen to the power rankings of the best and worst RPGs of all time! Stay up all night and play some damn games!

Oh, to quote Shawn, "HEY MR. PUBILLONES I'M JUST MAKIN' SOME COFFEE CUZ I DON'T WANT MY MAGE TO GET KILLED!"

Meh. Whatever, bro.

It's a classic episode, or something. About... I didn't bother to listen to it. It's about something. I assume.

So, like, enjoy it. Or don't. I'm not the boss of you.

The aliens think they can just come into this country and take our jobs, get on our welfare, not pay taxes, and commit crimes! In this country!

Look, I'm not saying it's everyone. But they're not sending us their best gleep-glorps. They're sending their vaporizers, their warp-jackers, and their intergalactic scum. And some of them, I assume, are good gleep-glorps. But they're coming here to commit crimes, and anything else the media tells you is just fake news.

That's why the gorillamen propose a wall that goes into space. A wall will certainly keep Zeta Reticulans from crossing the space-time border.

Also, I love Zeta Reticulans. The best gleep-glorp salads are made right here at gorillamen tower.

Bigly.

(also fuck that guy and his stupid baby hands)

To hear it from some people (like, say...an orange-tinged shitlord with a sulfurous-looking hairdo who's presumable in charge of the Western world), white people have it soooooooooo hard!

That a middle-aged (or Baby Boomin') white guy can say with a straight face, "There's no other group who has it worse than Christian white males," says so much about white privilege.

And so, Gorilla Shawn thought two white guys talking about white people would make for a good episode...and it did. (Although, some shitty white people might not agree...)

* * *

We kick it off talking about the first time we noticed the differences between white people and other races or cultures. We discuss what the experience was like, and then we move on to the whitest people we know.

To that point, though...is there even such a thing as "being white," either racially or culturally?

After that, we discuss if anyone should be proud of being white...and if anyone should be ashamed if they happened to be born white?

Find out if we think we see the world in a different manner than someone who's black. (Spoiler: we don't get pulled over when simply driving a decent vehicle.)

Shitty white people sure have been more vocal, lately. We devote some time discussing who's to blame for the rise in white supremacy, lately...and then we chat about ways to fix that problem.

In popular culture, there are things deemed rather white (like really bad dancing). Find out the "whitest" thing we've ever seen...and learn about the whitest things we've ever done.

Finally, we wrap it all up with what the future looks like for white people...

Christopher and Shawn are both white dudes (if you didn't already know this, it'll definitely become clear next week), but they're somehow not greedy assholes. That's one of many reasons neither of them will be elected to the Senate, because they're just not greedy enough.

With the new tax bill that just passed with the explicit aim of funneling still more money to the richest one percent of the country, it seemed like a good time to revisit the episode they did way back when (in 1848, I think) about greed!

Sit back and enjoy this episode. It's all yours!

*Also the audio quality on this one isn't great. This might-could have been one of our first Skype episodes ever.