It's time to reveal the truth: you've not been listening to Christopher Gronlund and Shawn Kupfer all these years...you've been listening to The Skunk Ape of North Texas and the Mothman of Richardson, Texas.

The Gorillamen are cryptids.

Now that our secret is out, who knows how long it will be before they come for us...

<sad cryptids>

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We kick off this week with the first time we ever heard about cryptids, and follow up with the first time we realized people studied these things.

Find out if we've ever believed in legendary beings and, if so, which ones?

After that, we talk about the coolest -- and lamest -- cryptids out there...as well as ones we wish were real.

We chat a bit about if either of us watch cryptid hunting shows (and which ones...and why), and then discuss the cryptid legend we'd create were we so inclined.

We babble about the best cryptid in pop culture...and then why some believe in cryptids, while others find them fake.

And we wrap it all up with the future of cryptozoology.

This one is a day late, but nota dollar short, because a) it's free, and b) I just saved a bunch of money on car repairs by fixing my wife's car myself. 

Independent, that's the way of the future! Or the past, because we recorded this episode 83 million years ago, when Gristophers walked the earth. Enjoy, or don't!

They are podcasters found in strata, fossils of a bygone era when people posted on the Interwebs series of tubes to be heard by 12 people. That was podcasting c. 2018.

The fossil record shows two enlarged skulls surrounded by microphones. Analysis determines two males 9 years apart. But when factoring in audible records, the younger of the two repeatedly claimed he looked older than the one called Old Man Christopher. (Some speculated Gorilla Shawn was a wizard.)

Records indicate that c. 2018 was the year people determined Young Old Man Shawn transformed from a sea captain look to that of Ivy League anthropology professor.

Their organs stuffed in jars determine two small and one medium to large size dog chewed on what once made them work, but enzyme samples show they regurgitated the organs, smart canines they were. Their podcast was their pyramids, two bespectacled gentlemen hoping the sands of time would hear what they had to say.

But they were no forgotten Ozymandiuses; in fact, we -- representatives from Planet Bolvoid-2-5872, in the year 5279 -- determined that when they released their 300th episode of The Gorillas in Man Suits Last Seen on Earth, that they arose to the status of audio gods.

So it is with great pleasure that we study their tiny bones -- especially their...well, you-know-what bones (huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh), and learn all we can about the two who had the courage to cast the pods and be heard by a people...

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We kick it off with our earliest memories of archaeology, and quickly discuss if we ever wanted to be archaeologists.

Find out if we have met, or are friends with, any archaeologists. After that, we talk about metal detectors...mostly so Christopher can gush about the TV show, Detectorists! (Seriously, people...watch it!) Sticking to that point, find out if we've ever found signs of human life no one else knew about. (Oh, and at this point...we find out Christopher has found three separate couples screwing in the woods. He failed to mention that he once found out he was in a room where two people on the floor quietly knocked boots! A story for another episode, perhaps.)

Next, we talk about the best big-time archaeology finds we've seen in person...and the best low-key finds. We chat about if we think archaeologists defile the dead and whether or not we think technology ruins (0r enhances) the search for lost civilizations.

We talk about fiction...specifically, the story we most love featuring an archaeologist or archaeological find. And then we babble a bit about what we consider the greatest (or simply: most favorite) archaeological find.

And we close it all out with the future of archaeology!

And seriously, people...watch Detectorists!

Oh, like you never went to college for seven years. 

The Gorillamen are prophets. They do an episode about paleontology (Gorilla Shawn, recording in a fever dream), and BOOM! -- without their knowledge, it's International Dinosaur Month. New dinosaurs are discovered (including an image of an ass-eating dino in the thumbnail)! Clearly, we are power-wielding apes!

Also, we're dinosaur geeks, so it's about time we talked about big lizards in our backyard...

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We kick it off with our earliest memories about dinosaurs or the study of paleontology. After that, we talk about if either of us ever considered a career in Dinosaur Arts and Education.

Find out if we know any actual paleontologists...and if we've ever been near a dig -- even a fake one. Then we move on to our schooling...and how teachers discussed paleontology (in Texas and outside of Texas -- because wow, what a difference other states make). Also find out the coolest dinosaur fossils we've seen in person; the fossils we deem best in the world, and our favorite dinosaurs.

Speaking of favorites, we chat a bit about our favorite fictional paleontologists before moving on to why the study of paleontology is important.

And we wrap it all up with the future of paleontology.

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Photo: Brett Meliti.